And its great that people are looking forward.
However, for me personally, before I move forward, I like to look back and reflect. I do this because good or bad, I would like to find a different way to better myself with what had happened throughout the year. Its always great to find different ways to improve yourself by looking back. But as long as you are only looking back and not dwelling too much on it.
So 2014... What a year. And that I say with great relief that its over. I've had a lot of hard years, but within those years all the hard bits were at the beginning and so the end will get better. But this.... was hard throughout the whole year. But all in all, I am grateful. Grateful because someone believed in me enough to risk it all and give me a chance. With that I will always be grateful to 1 person in particular. Who held it down for me right from the beginning. Always been there, always there to help and always there to tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. And to her, I owe a lot. The first and hugest bit of gratitude goes to my beautiful cousin Tine. If it weren't for her belief in me and wanting me to do better, I would still probably be in Samoa sweating my ass off for nickels and dimes. This year I have learnt a lot from her. And my drive to do better and be better is fueled by her. I will always be in debted to her.
From there I am also grateful to my little sisters. Whilst 1 was on her mission and the other shared a room with me, we still never lost a strong hold bond that we have. I owe it to them for reminding me why I need to do the things I was doing for my parents. It's them I owe so much to for always being that shoulder I needed. This year alone, my baby sister did deal with a lot of my emtions. And I feel so stupid for breaking in front of her the many times that I did, but I'm glad she was still there for me regardless. Telling me that lying in bed balling my eyes out for days won't get me anywhere. Telling me that I don't need to pay hundreds of dollars to talk to therapist when I can just talk to her for free. Annnnddddd... as much as I hate to say it, she was right. My baby sister who has watched me make mistake after mistake for years and years always knew what to say. I love you Leilah, and always will. My other sister Bina, who spent this whole year serving the lord also helped me through my falls in 2014. Being so far away, I never missed a Monday to email her and she never missed a reply, she always knew what to say to, she out of all knew everything. Knew when and why I would cry, knew when I was tired of trying, knew when life was getting the best of me. She just knew, and she always knew what to say to make things ok. It's amazing how much this girl would know being so far away from me. 80% of her emails made me cry and made me better. Reminded me of who I am, and what I am doing.
Through all that has happened with the year that has pasted, some things still remained the same. Like the relationship I have with my parents. My achievement for this year for them was finishing off their house. And wow, when I had seen it I was beyond proud of myself. All the hard work, the hustling 2 jobs, eating noodles for days just to save for them. It was all worth it when I went back for a visit and hearing my dad tell me over and over again how grateful he and my mum were. Although it wasn't an actual house, but finishing off their bathroom, building a new kitchen and a water tank supply, now that felt hekka amazing to see what I had done and throughout all the bullshit I had put my parents through in my rebellious teen years, I felt that becoming a better person and doing this for them was not quite enough, but was also my way of getting back their trust that I had lost so many years ago.
2014 also brought unity between my siblings when a Brain Tumor was found in my eldest nephew. This was the news that hit me the hardest. But it was not going to defeat me. 3 months and 2 brain surgerys later, my nephew was Tumor free. And the new year ahead will be the year he makes a comeback to the wrestling mat he has been missing so much. And that is why I look forward to the year ahead. Because with family, when 1 succeeds, we all succeed.
So as the year 2015 is literally around the corner, I am ready to face the new challenges. I am ready to not make the same mistakes as I did in 2014. And I am ready to leave the problems of 2014 in 2014.
